15 workouts, a cancer scare, and another surgery

When last I left you, loyal readers, I had just been cleared for activity after my spinal surgery After talking to Julianne and my coach I hatched a plan to do my Iron-distance triathlon on May 29th – exactly a year after my spinal surgery date.

TLDR: I have what doctors are almost certain is a benign dermoid cyst on my ovary and I’m having robot-assisted surgery to have it removed on November 29th.

The long story:

Coach Steve got a plan together and I geared up to start training again (for, like, the hundredth time on this ridiculous journey) I held tight to the fact that I just had to put in 9 months of solid work and this could be over Even though I had walked endless miles in my hallway, I was still out of shape for any serious workout, plus my shoulder was still injured from the botched steroid shot, so we started slow with biking and walking while I did physical therapy for the shoulder.

The workouts were going well, I was motivated to go out and do them (knowing that everyone was one day closer to finally crossing this elusive finish line.) I got fifteen workouts in and then I had to go to a different doctor.

I had some much heavier than normal menstrual bleeding during quarantine. I had a telemed appointment with my gyno and we decided that i would try birth control and that if that took care of it I could wait until after I was vaccinated to come in for an examination, just to be safe. The meds did the trick and so I waited. It was now late-July and time to go in to have both an external and internal ultrasound done.

Since I know that the ultrasound tech is not supposed to tell me anything, I knew things were bad when she asked “do you know that you have a large mass in your abdomen?” I told her that I did not and asked for more information. She demurred, I would have to wait for the report.

The next day my cell rang and it was a number I didn’t recognize, but considering what was happening I answered. I knew things were about to get worse when it was my gynecologist. I have never been called on my cell by a doctor in my life. The ultrasound report was back and it was “very concerning for malignancies [cancer]” I would need to come see her the next day and schedule blood tests for cancer markers and a CT scan to get more information about the mass and to see if it had metastasized.

I saw her and got the blood tests the next day and the CT scan the day after that. The appointment was difficult, she was incredibly kind but told me with tears in her eyes that she was very concerned, that I would need to get ready for a big surgery very soon – a laparotomy with multiple days in the hospital and then multiple weeks recovery, with additional treatment possible but unknown. She referred me to the head of gynecological oncology surgery in the healthcare system I use, who was the doctor who trained her. When she asked if I had any questions, I asked if they had any training in weight stigma and she she through about it for a minute and then acknowledged that they didn’t and that it was a problem. She ended the appointment by telling me that I could contact her any time, day or night.

We had to wait for results of both (fun fact – that type of blood word can’t be rushed with the labs that I use.) There were some good signs, especially that I was asymptomatic but overall I was not left feeling particularly optimistic. I made an appointment with the surgeon.

In the meantime I decided to go full on me with it, I started looking for a name for my mass, bought a tiny tiara for her and planned a photoshoot. I called my Best Friend (and first marathon partner) Kelrick to give him the news and talk about the name and he introduced me to an animated character named Lumpy Space Princess.

Lumpy Cyst Princess was officially named. I struggled a lot with the fear of being diagnosed with cancer, but I also realized that I’ve had the chance to live a life that has touched a lot of people in the world and so when I pondered the worst case scenario, I knew that I done what I could with the time, potential, and privilege that I had and that gave me some peace.

Within a week we had all the results. The blood tests were completely normal (negative for cancer markers) and the CT scan came back showing that it did not look like cancer but was a dermoid cyst on my ovary. These are cysts that we have at birth and they slowly grow throughout our lives often with no symptoms so it’s common for them to get quite large undetected. It still had to come out, but there was now “very low suspicion” of cancer.

I met with the surgeon and his Fellow and both of them were amazing. They answered my questions without weight bias. It turns out that he is a world renowned expert in robot-assisted surgeries, especially on higher-weight patients.

Since there was now a very low suspicion of cancer, my surgery went from urgent to routine. Because of COVID backups and the apparently very busy schedule of the robot (whom I have named Bertha after Shangela’s sewing machine,) I wasn’t able to get on the schedule until November 29th. (In truth I could have been scheduled on the 14th but I have a major talk to healthcare practitioners on the 15th that couldn’t be rescheduled and I wasn’t giving up that opportunity.)

I did my pre-meeting with my surgeon today and, again, he was excellent. The first difficulty of robotic surgery is called “steep trendelenburg position” This is a position in which the body is angled at 30-40 degrees with the legs up and the head down. it can be difficult to tolerate for many people for different reasons, including higher weight people. My surgeon isn’t as worried about that. Still he will have to put the camera in and make sure that everything looks benign before moving forward with the robotic surgery. If there is any concern, he will convert to a full laparotomy so that the mass can be removed whole rather than being drained and removed in sections. I also told him that, while he is in there, I would like the hysterectomy I’ve wanted since I was 20 and he agreed. He’s going to leave me an ovary for hormone production and take the rest, which is great new.

He talked about the processes that he uses to help higher weight patients better tolerate steep trendelenburg, including slowly titrating the angle to help patients acclimated. During our pre-appointment I mentioned a small study from 2012 to his Fellow, wherein they tried doing these surgeries at less steep angles and were successful. I mentioned that I hadn’t seen any follow up on it. She hadn’t heard of it and suggested I ask the surgeon. During my appointment with him he actually said “Now what’s this I hear about a study – maybe you can teach me something.” Now, I teach healthcare practitioners all the time and while many are open to the information I’m presenting, this kind of thing reaction always gives me hope. We talked about the study, how frustrating it is that it wasn’t followed up on since it could help higher weight patients get the care they need. He pointed out that over 15 years and thousands of surgeries he had only had to convert from robotic to laparotomy five times and only twice could it have had anything to do with weight.

I want to be clear that I am lucky and privileged in many respects here. First, I have excellent insurance and was able to afford the co-pays and deductible as well as being able to take the time to go to the appointments, get the surgery, and recover. Also I’m white, cis, currently able-bodied and currently neurotypical which are privileges that are always operating in my life. I have the privilege of both the educational background and personality that makes self-advocacy easier for me. This will be my third surgery this year (spinal, multiple sinus procedures at once, and now this as the grand finale) but none of the things that I required surgery for were things that could be blamed on my size and so I escaped a lot of medical weight stigma. I did not have to fight arbitrary BMI cut-offs and all of my surgeons and surgical teams have extensive experience working with fat patients and, knock-on-wood I did not experience much weight stigma in any of the pre-surgery, surgery, or post surgery processes. Again, this is down to privilege and luck, many fat people have experiences that differ vastly from mine and impact their lives and quality of life.

So I feel very comfortable with my surgeon and his team but, like with my spinal surgery, I’m going into the surgery not sure what procedure I’m actually getting and that’s really nerve-wracking. My surgery is super early in the morning so if he can do it robotically I am hoping to go home the same day (while my luck has held so far, hospitals can be extremely unfriendly and harmful to fat patients and I’d like to avoid being hospitalized if I can) if he has to convert to a laparotomy I’m looking at several days in the hospital. Julianne continues to be a hero in terms of getting things ready and supporting me through surgery and recovery – best. fiancee. ever! I’m filling my time by pre-writing for my blogs, newsletter, and social media accounts and I have several talks booked between now (including medical schools and groups of healthcare practitioners) that I’m really excited about.

In terms of my iron-distance tri, I’m not sure what this means. Once again I felt like I was on the path to finishing and once again I’ve been thoroughly derailed. I’ve been encouraged to keep fit during the wait for surgery, and I am, but I’m not training for the triathlon since the at least 8 week recovery I have in front of me means that the April date is no longer do-able and I psychological just can’t continue to train with no actual end date in sight.

So that’s where things are, thanks for reading! I’ll end with a piece of good news – I’ve started a newsletter specifically about the intersections of weight science, weight stigma, and healthcare. You can check it out here!

What Have I Been Up To? Spinal Surgery!

Hello loyal readers! This is a (long) update on what I’ve been up to. When last we spoke my neck was feeling better. Unfortunately it didn’t last.

The story – Original injury through quarantine

In 2013 I was throwing some suitcases into the back of a car from a side door (a terrible idea, if you’re curious) and I felt a pain shoot down my arm. I was getting on a plane to go on a combination speaking tour/vacation with Julianne to the Austin area so I figured it was a pulled muscle and didn’t think much about it. I got on the plane in a little bit of pain. I got off the plane with excruciating pain down my arm. I assumed I had hurt my shoulder/arm and so I got a sling and made it through the vacation. but things continued to devolve until I wasn’t able to move my right arm, which was terrifying. I got home, got an MRI and learned that, in fact, I had herniated a couple of discs in my neck. The doctor told me that surgery was the only option, I asked if it wasn’t possible to try something less invasive and he said that I could try physical therapy but nobody was consistent enough with the exercises and the icing. He didn’t know me. After a few months of physical therapy and so much icing of my neck that I came close to giving myself frostbite, I was out of pain.

This was actually the impetus to do my first marathon since part of my recovery instructions was that I couldn’t do anything high impact or dance related.

Quarantine to now

After my initial recovery period I definitely had some flare-ups but I was always able to control them with physical therapy and at home work/icing. I had started to have another flare up when COVID happened and we went into quarantine. I did what I could from home but it continuously got worse. I tried a steroid shot and while the experience was terrible, it helped a bit with the pain in my shoulders and arms.

Then one fateful day I decided that I wanted to deep clean my house, neck pain be damned. I figured I would do it and then just pop some Advil and ice my neck. I spent the day reaching, pushing, pulling, scrubbing, and cleaning. A few hours later I noticed something odd – when I bent my head forward, I had an electric pulse/tingling down my leg. That didn’t seem good. In fact, it seemed downright bad.

Trying not to panic, I called my spinal doctor’s office and got the on call doctor who told me that it wasn’t a surgical emergency for that night, but I should definitely be seen ASAP. I got another MRI and sure enough instead of just being herniated and pissing off the nerves in my arms (radiculopathy) now two of my discs were pressing into my spine (myelopathy). I also learned that my spinal canal is narrow due to a congenital condition called short pedicle syndrome, which helps explain why so many members of my family on my Mom’s side have spine issues

Image description – a MRI of a spine showing spinal compression at two levels with the label “This is what is technically known as the “Yikes! area”

At this point, surgery was required. This was in January 2021 and vaccines were being rolled out. We had been in full quarantine except for absolutely necessary medical and vet appointments since March 2020 and I didn’t want to put our lives at risk by going into the hospital, so I asked if I could possibly wait until we were vaccinated. The answer was yes, but only if I would comply with some serious movement restrictions. I had stopped triathlon training when we went into quarantine (the local trails were just too crowded to feel safe) but I was consistently working out at home, now that would come to an end as well.

On April 29 I had my surgery – a two-level spinal fusion (C4-C6) I’m grateful (and lucky, and privileged) that I did not face any fatphobia around the surgery, everyone was clear that the injury had nothing to do with my size, several expressed that they were impressed that I was able to control the symptoms as long as I did. I received respectful care from everyone involved in the surgery.

Image description: a fat white woman in a hospital gown, mask, cap and glasses.

It was my first time getting general anesthesia and when I woke up the first thing I thought was – I have to start walking so that I can get the anesthesia out of my system and go home! After about 45 minutes I convinced a nurse to let me walk to the bathroom and then I talked her into letting me do a couple laps of the recovery room before going back to the bed. At that point I learned that two of my nurses were also marathoners and so they were super cool about me wanting to start walking as soon as I could.

I was discharged the same day as my surgery and my discharge notes included “walk as much as you can” They also included that it was important that I not fall down. Because the sidewalks around our house are super sketchy and I wasn’t allowed to look down, that meant walking inside. Because our place is super small, that meant that the longest “path” to walk was 14 feet one-way, so each lap was 28 feet. The day after surgery I did a mile (10 laps at a time). The fourth day after surgery I did 5k (50 laps at a time) Altogether, the first month after surgery I did 10,906 laps for a total of 57.8 miles. At that point I was allowed to walk outside a bit, though I was also still doing indoor laps. My first outside walk was a little over half a mile, my second was a little over a mile. It was slow (even by my standards!) and it was also amazing to be outside again and not have to turn every 14 feet (I learned pretty quickly that I had to turn to the left at one end of the hallway and the right at the other or I would get dizzy!) (As always, this is about my personal journey which includes a mixture of oppression and privilege, movement/fitness is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, or entirely within our control and participating in fitness-y things does not make someone better than people who don’t participate.)

Behold The Chastain Trail
Image Description a Short Hallway with a white door, wood floors, and white cabinets at the end

My friend brilliant friend Jeanette DePatie visited every week for the first month of my recovery and she named my little walking “path” the Chastain Trail and then went all out with these spectacular signs I put up a trail register so if you come to our place you can through-hike the Chastain Trail and sign the register!

I started physical therapy two weeks after surgery and that has been going great. I just had my 8 week check-up and my surgeon is very happy with my progress and cleared me for most activities (though absolutely no overhead lifting!)

I’m not sure what the future holds for me and triathlon – I’m having some conversations over the next few days to talk about that and I’ll keep you posted. For now I’m thrilled that the pain and numbness are gone, that my neck is getting better everyday, and that I have incredible support from Julianne, my friends and family, and from a team of healthcare professionals.

So that’s where I am. In the words of Josiah Bartlet…what’s next?

July Online Workshop: Getting Jiggly With It! Movement In A Fat Body

July 28th 5:30pm Pacific Time
Plus a video in case you can’t make it live (or want to watch again!
Pay-what-you-can option

In this workshop we’ll explore tips, tricks, and information to help us move our bodies for our own reasons and on our own terms. (This workshop can also be helpful to fitness pros who want to create a fat-positive practice!)

Click here for full details and registration

You can also:

Follow me on Instagram
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Check out my blog at DancesWithFat (which focuses on Size Acceptance and Fat Rights)

Check out the Fit Fatties Facebook Group (for people of all sizes who want to talk about fitness from a weight-neutral perspective)

Visit my professional speaking and writing site

Let’s Talk About Bodyweight Exercises and Fat People

As COVID-19 keeps gyms and fitness centers safely closed and people look for new options to work out at home, I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails from people who are frustrated that they are seeing bodyweight workouts recommended, but the bodyweight workouts they are finding online are completely unattainable.  I got this e-mail a couple of days ago, shared with permission:

I am so frustrated I don’t know what to do. I had been doing a lifting program at the gym for a couple months before COVID, now I’m stuck at home. I tried to do some bodyweight workouts but I wasn’t even close to being able to do a lot of these things – I can do squats, but getting my knee to the floor for a lunge? no. It said to start off with as many pull ups as I can do and then increase over time. That number is zero. Is this just something that bigger people can’t do?

Before I get into the issues with body size I do want to point out that often these bodyweight programs are not inclusive of disabled people (of any size) which is a serious issue. There are all kinds of disabilities and health conditions (including joint issues and balance issues) that can affect the ability to do bodyweight exercises and/or to do them safely.

Then there is the tendency to blame any difficulties fat people have with these workouts on our body size. The truth is that there are people of all sizes who struggle with bodyweight exercises. I know a lot of thin people who can’t do a knee-to-the-floor lunge and whose max pull-up number is also zero. There are also fat people who can do all kinds of bodyweight exercises – including pull-ups and lunges.

There tends to be a belief that since it’s “just” using your body weight, it should be do-able for everyone, but that is demonstrably false (there’s a reason you start out bench pressing a 45 pound bar and not your full body weightl.) The fact that someone walks through the world does not mean they can do walking lunges holding soup cans, the fact that someone pushes themselves through the world in a wheelchair does not mean that they can pull their body weight up up in a pull up.

Like any other type of movement, doing bodyweight exercises is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, or entirely within our control. There is no shame in not being able to do any of these exercises – there is no morality in whether or not one can do a pull-up, and it’s not a necessary skill for most of us (spies and American Ninja Warriors excepted.)  If you find someone claiming that “everybody” should be able to do an exercise (whatever that exercise is,) you’ve found someone who is wrong.

Beyond us getting to decide what we want to try to do, all bodies have things that they can and can’t do and there’s nothing wrong that. That said, if bodyweight training is something that you want to do, I suggest giving it a try, and looking at it  as an experiment rather than a way to prove that you are “good enough” or “fit enough.”

For the record, I’m an ACE-certified Health Coach and Functional Fitness Specialist, and I’m going to give some general suggestions, but this is just the tip of the iceberg and since I can’t possibly know your personal situation please make sure that you ask your healthcare/fitness professional.

Modify the Moves

Look for ways to make the moves more do-able and then decide if you want to stay where you are or increase intensity. Nobody says you have to get your knee to the ground in a lunge. Using push-ups as an example, you might start against the wall, then move to the kitchen counter, then to to a bench, then a chair, then a step, then the floor. Once on the floor you could start on your knees, then move your hands farther away from your knees creating a more challenging angle, then eventually, if you feel like it, move to full push-ups. If you google “modify [insert body weight movement] you can often find good options (though sadly you may have to wade through fatphobic nonsense)

If a move, a lunge for example, is a balance challenge you can use a chair, counter, wall etc. to help with balance. if you want to try to create more of a challenge you can put less pressure on the hand that is helping to balance you and eventually, if you want, you can try it without the balance check.

Also be aware that many of these movements do not take fat bodies into consideration – they are created (and typically modeled) by and for people without large stomachs, thighs, breasts etc. So you may need to modify movements to make room for all of your fabulous body, or choose a different move.

Get Some Support

I’m really excited about the Primal 7 System (full disclosure: I have no affiliation with them, they don’t even know I’m talking about them.)  It’s a system that provides support and options to help with all kinds of body weigth exercises, including yoga. Their ads have people of diverse sizes and abilities and I haven’t seen much weightloss or diet talk from them (which doesn’t mean there isn’t any, sadly) They support weights up to 400 pounds (I did send an e-mail encouraging them to go higher, haven’t heard back) and they don’t charge extra for the band that supports heavier people. You could also try a TRX or other suspension training system.

Try an Alternative

If you’re looking for an alternative to strength training the gym, there are lots of options besides bodyweight workouts. They include resistance bands that come in different materials and configurations, weight sets or an adjustable dumbell, home gyms, yoga classes etc.

Finally,  remember that it is completely reasonable for a global pandemic to change your fitness regimen so be kind to yourself.

If you have an at-home strength workout and/or move modifcation that you really love, please tell us about it in the comments.

ONLINE WORKSHOP: Talking Back To Fatphobia

I’m giving an online workshop where we’ll discuss options for dealing with the fatphobia that we face as we navigate the world – from responses that encourage a dialog, to responses that encourage people to leave us alone, with lots of time for Q&A and a pay-what-you-can option.
Details and Registration: https://danceswithfat.org/workshop-talking-back-to-fatphobia/ 

Like this blog? You can also:

Follow me on Instagram
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Check out my blog at DancesWithFat (which focuses on Size Acceptance and Fat Rights)

Join the Fit Fatties Facebook Group (for people of all sizes who want to talk about fitness from a weight-neutral perspective)

Visit my professional speaking and writing site

Fat People Working Out Is Not A Joke

I get so sick and tired of fatphobia meaning that when fat people do the exact same thing as thin people it’s suddenly a big joke. In today’s little bit of comedy I talk about lazy fat jokes, in especially those that involve fitness.

If you like it, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel to get more of my comedy!

Like this blog? You can also:

Follow me on Instagram
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Follow me on Twitter
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Check out my blog at DancesWithFat (which focuses on Size Acceptance and Fat Rights)

Check out the Fit Fatties Facebook Group (for people of all sizes who want to talk about fitness from a weight-neutral perspective)

Visit my professional speaking and writing site

Ahmaud Arbery

When I go running, a lot of privilege comes with me. Despite the fact that I run late at night and have fairly frequent encounters with law enforcement I’m never afraid for my life. I never worry that I will be the victim of a lynching. Ahmaud Arbery did not run with that same privilege, and violent racism ended his life at 25. As I’m writing this, it is his birthday and a call has gone out to say his name and tell his story. I’m also asking my fellow white people to take this time to re-commit to making racism our responsibility to dismantle.

What happened

On February  23rd, Ahmaud Arbery, a Black man, went jogging. Two white men – a former police officer and his adult son – grabbed a gun, jumped in their truck, chased him down, and shot him dead. Despite the fact that the older man literally had blood on his hands, the police let both men go. They called Arbery’s mother and lied to her (telling her that her son had been involved in a burglary and was killed by the homeowner.)

Until a graphic video of the events surfaced (possibly taken by an accomplice of the two white men) and led to a public outcry, the kilers faced no consequences (with police claiming at one point that it was legal as a “citizen’s arrest” because they believe that Arbery was tied to burglaries (a crime which, I’ll point out, does not carry the death penalty.) Finally, Gregory McMichael and his son Travis McMichael have been arrested on charges of murder and aggravated assault.

As white people we have to understand that one of the ways that privilege works is to keep us unaware of the experiences that we don’t have, which means that when it comes to racism we often don’t know what we don’t know, and we need to take responsibility for doing the research and work to end our own ignorance. I am sharing some of the work that Black people have done around Ahmaud Arbery’s murder. Please read, listen, and look for opportunities to support these folks and pay them for their work.

Latoya Shauntay Snell and Martinus Evans podcast 300 Pounds and Running – I Run With Maud 

Ahmaud Arbery and Whiteness in the Running World by Alison Mariella Désir

We Cannot Be Silent About Race Politics and Safety in Sports by Latoya Shauntay Snell

Ahmaud Arbery and the dangers of running while black an Interview with Rashawn Ray

After a Killing, ‘Running While Black’ Stirs Even More Anxiety

Review of Joyn Workouts

Update:  Since I wrote this review, Joyn has added a number of new workouts, including longer and more intense options. They are still offering a 30 day free trial, so I recommend checking them out!

Since I’m doing all my workouts at home, I thought I would review some of the workouts that I’ve been doing. Today it’s Joyn.

Full disclosure, while I know some of the people who created it (and think they are amazing!) I’m not affiliated with the app in any way, they don’t even know I’m writing this!

My fiancee, Julianne, had actually started to use Joyn a while ago. As I was dealing with my neck injury and stuck at home, I joyned her (see what I did there…) trying some of their classes.

This app seems to be built on a foundation of diversity, and out of bricks of joy. There are diverse course offerings (yoga, multiple forms of dance, low impact workouts including walking, pilates and more.) The instructors and participants are a diverse group. There are options for seated, standing and lying down – often all in the same class. The focus is joyful movement that is Queer, Trans, and Fat positive and all from a Health at Every Size perspective.

There are often options provided to add intensity (raise the arms, lift up the knees more etc.) Depending on where you are currently at with your fitness, if you are looking for a really high-intensity workout you may have to apply your own modifications, but it can definitely be done.

The workouts are also 20 minutes or less so if you’re looking for a longer workout you can simply string them together – they have also put together some “flows” that can help with that.

It’s available on television, laptop, tablet, and phone.

If you’re looking for fat-positive workouts that are Health at Every Size based and/or beginner-friendly and/or Fat/Queer/Trans positive and/or have lots of options for accessibility I definitely recommend checking out Joyn!

You can find them out here!

Like this blog? You can also:

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Check out my blog at DancesWithFat (which focuses on Size Acceptance and Fat Rights)

Check out the Fit Fatties Facebook Group (for people of all sizes who want to talk about fitness from a weight-neutral perspective)

Visit my professional speaking and writing site

My New Quarantine Endurance Sport

From ballroom to marathons to triathlons to…the livingroom. What happens when you were training to go miles and miles, and now you’re stuck inside four walls? You create a new endurance sport!

I had been dabbling a little bit in stand-up comedy before quarantine (with the idea that I would go all in once my iron-distance tri was done #lolsob) So I’ve brought my comedy online with short bits of comedy,  basically, a one-woman open mic – today’s topic is my “endurance training” during quarantine

Epilogue: My neck is doing quite a bit better and while I am excited to leave the house again, I’m enjoying my dance workouts while I’m stuck here!

You can check out all of my little bits of comedy here! 

Like this blog? You can also:

Follow me on Instagram
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Follow me on Twitter
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Check out my blog at DancesWithFat (which focuses on Size Acceptance and Fat Rights)

Check out the Fit Fatties Facebook Group (for people of all sizes who want to talk about fitness from a weight-neutral perspective)

Visit my professional speaking and writing site

Making Fitness More Inclusive – In Quarantine and Beyond, with Jessica Richman

As more and more fitness companies work on online offerings for quarantine, it’s an excellent opportunity for them to also make their programs and advertising more inclusive (and less harmful!) I spoke with Jessica Richman, CEO of The Visible Collective,  which advises companies on how to better serve fat customers. We talked about how fitness companies can be more inclusive of people of all sizes, and why that’s not just good for fat people (though that would be a good enough reason!) but also good for the bottom line!

You can check out the interview here!

Like this blog? You can also:

Follow me on Instagram
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
Follow me on Twitter
Follow me on Facebook 

Check out my blog at DancesWithFat (which focuses on Size Acceptance and Fat Rights)

Check out the Fit Fatties Facebook Group (for people of all sizes who want to talk about fitness from a weight-neutral perspective)

Visit my professional speaking and writing site

 

Holy Crap, I’m On The Olympic Channel

Picture courtesy of Vice Media

When they first contacted me, I googled their names to make sure they were for real! The Olympic Channel, they told me, was partnering with Vice Media for a series of short films called Body+ and they wanted me to be a part of it.

It worked out for them to follow me at the Spring Sprint Triathlon and at a talk that I gave at the University of California San Diego that same weekend.

They captured a pretty typical triathlon for me – which is to say that it was a shitshow.  (Unlike dancing, where even if lessons/practice sessions weren’t going well I almost always competed well, with triathlon my workouts go ok, but then the races are a total disaster.) If you want the full race report in all its glory,  you can read it here!

The piece is out and I’m so honored to be part of this amazing group of athletes and so happy with the finished piece! I also highly recommend watching all of them, this is a seriously kick ass group of athletes.

You can see it here!

Massive thanks to the team from Vice/The Olympic Channel and Rachel Fox and the crew from UCSD, everyone who came out to the talk – all the race organizers and volunteers, and of course Julianne who is always so completely supportive and amazing!

Like this blog? You can also:

Follow me on Instagram
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Check out my blog at DancesWithFat (which focuses on Size Acceptance and Fat Rights)

Check out the Fit Fatties Facebook Group (for people of all sizes who want to talk about fitness from a weight-neutral perspective)

Visit my professional speaking and writing site

 

 

Triathlon Training in the time of COVID-19

I hope everyone reading this is doing as well as possible given the circumstances. We have been quarantining since before the order in California – Julianne is in a higher risk group because of her asthma and both of us worry that if we got sick fatphobia would compromise our healthcare, so we’ve been in full-on quarantine for almost a month. I know that we have a lot of privilege in being able to do that and my heart goes out to those who aren’t as lucky. 

Here’s how I’m doing – spoiler alert, there some bad, but it also a lot of good! Let’s get the bad out of the way first:

In terms of my iron-distance tri, this really took a pin to my balloon.  I don’t know how things are where you are but people here are not trustworthy when it comes to keeping appropriate social distance so running, biking, and swimming are out right now. Mentally I’m really struggling because I had psyched myself up for a final push and getting this done by the end of May, so the idea that whenever I get out of here I’m going to still be doing this long past the end of May just totally sucks.

Then, I did something (I have no idea what,) that really re-messed up my neck, which had been much better. We’re talking full-on pins and needles across my back, pain shooting down my arms, the whole bit. And I can’t go to physical therapy. Luckily I can connect with my doctor online, and he called in the big girl anti-inflammatories, and I have all of the equipment to ice my neck, do traction and do all my PT exercises at home.

I took a couple days completely off and then for a few days my training consisted of doing walking in place videos on the Joyn app without the arm movements. And I thought walking outside was boring… (TheJoyn app is fabulous by the way – really diverse instructors with options for seated and standing for most workouts, and and lots of different classes of lots of different lengths. Full disclosure – I’m not affiliated with them in any way.)

At that point I had the option to do walk at home videos and ride on the trainer to try to keep up. But  since I don’t know how long I’ll be in here and those things are no fun for me and this is already not fun, I decided to go a different way.

I’ve started taking dance classes. I do a barre class (the Dutch National Ballet created classes for their students and made them public on YouTube so I’ve been doing those) and I found really fun dance combination classes through Joseph Corella’s 567Broadway The combinations are fun, he gives options and encourages listening to your body, and so far no diet/weightloss/anti-fat talk at all (Full disclosure – I’m not affiliated with him in any way.)

That’s made me have to come to terms with what I’ve lost on this triathlon journey both physically (strength, flexibility, fast-twitch stamina, turnout, extension and toe-point – I once had to get corrective bootie things from the doctor because I pointed my feet so hard in my sleep that my calves were cramping up,) as well as mentally (workouts that I love – that make me want to do the work to be stronger and more flexible so that I can do more.)

Plus dance just seems like a better workout for me – intense effort, working through all planes of movement, using muscles in constantly changing dynamic ways, having to really apply my mind to quickly memorize and execute choreography with good technique (which I am having to get back) instead of just repeating the exact same motion for hours on end at a moderate heart rate and trying to keep from slowly losing my mind. All power in the world to people who thrive on that kind of workout, but that is just not me.

This has been a journey out of my comfort zone and I undertook that willingly. I’ve learned a lot about myself (and I’m sure I’ll learn even more when I get to leave the house again and I can finally take this the last bit of the way!) But I’m really ready to be done with this so I can try new things and get back to doing things that I love – especially dance.

Once I get out of here I’ll do what needs to be done to complete my goal of an iron-distance triathlon. But while I’m in here I’m going to be happy doing things that I love.

Also, unrelated, but I had just been dabbling a bit in adding stand-up comedy to my speaking when the quarantine started (with the idea that I could really throw myself into it once the triathlon was done.) So, I decided to take my comedy online – kind of a one-woman open mic. You can check it out here if you’d like!

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